finding my way home

a story behind a song

nobody@vox.com(naomi) — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 23:23:09 -0400

the first time I heard the song Is There a Ghost by Band of Horses, a girl who worked at my placement (which now my workplace) showed me because of the neat video. I really liked it too, and vaguely remembered the tune and lyrics.

When Alanna and I travelled to Chicago in February, the hostel's lobby was always playing music, and after a day or so, it became clear there were a few playlists to choose from. One of these playlists had Is There a Ghost on it, and after a couple days, it really felt like every time we were coming back to the hostel or going for breakfast the song was playing. It almost became a homecoming song and it was comforting even, to know I was coming back to something constant. It also made every step feel like an epic adventure.

A couple weeks ago I was in Old Navy. After about five minutes I finished my unsatisfactory browse and Is There a Ghost came on and I just stopped what I was doing, and pretended to browse for a few more minutes just so I could listen to the rest of the song. I cried a little, and smiled a lot. I hadn't listened to the song since, and now I'm happy I didn't.

Tonight the story just came to my head, and I proceeded to search out the video on youtube, to complete the circle.

& so here it is.

Band of Horses - Is There a Ghost

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the widow

nobody@vox.com(naomi) — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 00:46:07 -0400

this is a story everyone should hear.

last week i was at work; a group home for adults living with mental illnesses [schizophrenia is a diagnosis that affects every individual living in the house ++ much more], and one resident was overwhelmed by all the issues and problems facing her in her life. this Catholic woman ended her long concerns with this "and then i only put a toonie in the offering basket && only 50 cents in the poor box". then i said, without thinking twice, "hey, you know that parable Jesus tells about the poor widow who only puts two pennies into the offering basket?" "yeah..." "well, i think you're like the widow." "..oh, okay".

mark 12:41-44
Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. many rich people threw in large amounts. but a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins worth only a fraction of a penny.

calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "i tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. they all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on."

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new hair escapades

nobody@vox.com(naomi) — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 16:19:24 -0400

so, yesterday at tuesday night potluck, jenna & michelle & i bleached parts of our hair... but mostly, it was my hair. & first the colour alarmed me and i became needy and annoying about how i did not like it, ... but now i do. just my bangs & first layer-ish is bleached.

also.. i'm getting my haircut tomorrow at a hairdressing school.... it's cheap, but it takes a long ass time... so i've booked my day pretty free.

i keep on thinking it is the evening because i opened at starbucks today; i worked 5am-12:45pm. it's a total change from my usual work day at the group home of 11am-7pm, so my brain is a little confused. today was bittersweet as i realized how much i really do like working at starbucks, but aren't really able to very often.... maybe that's why i like it so much currently. i really don't know what i'm going to do when i don't get a free pound of coffee a week & 30% off frappucino splurges.

tonight i am going to see my friend mike harloff play at sneaky dee's, he's half decent. :)

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montreal < toronto

nobody@vox.com(naomi) — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 00:24:25 -0400

how did i let a month go by without writing? shame on me.

my face is feeling hot, i got burnt in montreal because i forgot sunscreen.

i just got home two hours ago from three days in montreal.

while i was waiting for the streetcar home from the train station, there were a handful of people speaking quebecois on cellphones & to each other, and it was quite surreal just returning from quebec.

the via rail is more comfortable, far quicker and more enjoyable than the greyhound bus. but more expensive, and you have to book beforehand. so i will not likely return to their services anytime soon. but this ride was certainly a treat. also, having snacks for purchase on board is dangerous. aaron and i had trouble saying no.

i wore my pink low-top chuck taylors the whole three days. bad, bad, bad, bad idea. by the middle of the second day i had a blister on my left foot & a limping right foot. hence why i took the ttc home from the train station because walking is painful and humiliating.

my oldest brother & i went because he had an orientation to go to new political science students at concordia, but this trip helped him decide he will not be going there.

i complained about my feet a lot & he complained about how difficult it is to find the metro a lot. coming from china everything is very helpful, says he. i joked just all things need to be dummy-proof for him.

tuesday was also effing miserable because it was hot as hell and we were trucking ourselves around old montreal, the plateau, etc etc. we stayed in a hostel that wasn't bad but nowhere as near as good as my top notch hostel in chicago. it was on a beautiful street though, rue saint-hubert.

montreal is far more hilly than toronto.

both nights we found patios to drink on and told funny stories from childhood & adolescence, pertaining to subjects like poop. and when we weren't talking about bodily functions, we were arguing about something --- i've learned (and known for a while)-- i am not a great defender of my faith. in fact, i'm not a great defender of much at all. my opinions are formed loosely around how i feel, my intuitions, my gut, trust, and faith in something Bigger & Outside of me. i've found (and am frequently frustrated by) that this does not make me very eloquent and in fact makes me stutter and end most sentences in incomplete thoughts. meanwhile, my oldest brother can defend anything to the death that he might even have the slightest opinion on. so that & the beating sun tired me out quite well.

we ate great bagels & drank quebecois beer & tofu dogs & poutine & lattes & pastries & chinese food & fries & apples.

i really loved the staircases to the houses in the plateau. i found them so romantic & dreamy.

by the end of the three days i had realized we had played a game of "spot the american apparel" ..&&if there was an aa in sight, that certainly meant we were in a hip area. we found four,... so i guess we didn't get 'em all. heh.

anyway, i'm just exhuasted at this point & think i prefer travelling a) in the winter & b) when there is a local tour guide/friend or friend of friend in the city.

but montreal was great. i'm glad i went.
but vraiement, j'adore toronto.

& now i have a long list of chores to do tomorrow since i'm home, home, home!!!

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so this is what my week has been shaping up to look like...

nobody@vox.com(naomi) — Mon, 12 May 2008 22:22:16 -0400

wed 4:45-9:45 @ starbucks
thurs 11-7 @ group home
fri 11-7 @ group home
sat 1-7 @ starbucks
sun 9-2 @ starbucks
monday OFF ! (today!!!)
tuesday 11-7 @ group home
wednesday 7:00-3:30 @ starbucks; 8p-8a @ group home.

wild eh?

it's ok though, i can stop accepting shifts at the bucks whenever.

i saw el perro del mar last night at the mod club & she was pretty great.
she is strikingly awkward-looking looking in real life, in a really charming way.
i couldn't get enough of her swedish pop! except for her counselling advice on depression, an intro to a song: "when you're stuck in a feeling... .... ....... .... shake it off."
er, thanks sea dog.

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another generic entry. ? maybe not.

nobody@vox.com(naomi) — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 11:46:26 -0400

Hot Docs is a wonderful documentary film festival that goes on every April in Toronto. This year, all screenings before 6pm were free for students. I banked on a few, and saw some films that changed my life (I use this term often and lightly... because really, everything does change your life). I'll include the trailers of the documentaries that i liked. I suck at writing reviews; since I'm such an emotionally-directed person, I usually just end up saying "I loved it soooooooo much". Go writing skills.

1. Carts of Darkness - my favourite i think! about homeless men in north vancouver who ride shopping carts down hilly BC highways as an extreme sport. also documents their bottle collecting, and the wonderful connection between the maker + subjects.

Carts of Darkness

2. White Vans - a short documentary about bike theft. close to my heart, obviously.

White Vans trailer

3. Memory Books- about HIV+ women in uganda making books for their children to remember thier legacy and heritage. beautiful.

Memory Books trailer

4. The Forgotten Woman - about the current day conditions of widows in India.

The Forgotten Woman clip

5. Bevel Up: Drugs, Users and Outreach Nursing - a subject very close to my heart, about harm reduction initiatives and street nurses in vancouver's downtown east side. so inspiring!

BEVEL UP : Drugs, Users and Outreach Nursing

6. Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son about His Father - i dare you to see this film and not cry continuously throughout. following how the canadian justice system failed one family deep & hard. oh god, i could talk about this one for a long time.

Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father trailer

tonight my dear brother Aaron returns to Canada, we are picking him up at the London airport. i haven't seen him in 20 months, and before that, 11 months. i keep on telling people i haven't really seen him since "my life began" ... cause i feel like, university is when i really started life.

today i am saying hooray for:
older brothers,
kexp.org,
and americanos.

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psalm 13.

nobody@vox.com(naomi) — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 21:24:10 -0400

how long, God? are you going to forget me forever? how long will you hide your face from me?
how long must i wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?
how long will my enemy triumph over me? look on me and answer, oh my God!
give light to my eyes!
....
but i trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation!
i will sing to the Lord because he's been Good to me!

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ttc strike tentative for tomorrow!

nobody@vox.com(naomi) — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 09:59:15 -0400

I secretly really want the TTC strike to go through tomorrow so I can romp around the city and watch the chaos! !!

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washing feet by washing dishes

nobody@vox.com(naomi) — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 16:23:00 -0400

i'll wash my own damn dishes and that's it. i left them long enough that i was embarrassed.
those other dishes, they don't deserve to be washed by me (and so i won't do it.),
and even if they were, the act of them being washed would not be appreciated.

and then i heard the Voice,

"do you deserve your own grace that you receive? or even appreciate it?"

"nope", i replied to God,

and continued washing, until there were no dishes remaining.

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Summer Reading List

nobody@vox.com(naomi) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 13:48:24 -0400

Even though exams aren't over yet (and I'm packing my schedule way too full to allow adequate time to study...), I've started my summer reading list! Some of these books I should have started long ago & some I just got lent yesterday. They're in order.

Becoming Human

Jean Vanier

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay

Michael Chabon

Love in the Time of Cholera (Oprah's Book Club)

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

What Is the What (Vintage)

Dave Eggers

JPod: A Novel

Douglas Coupland

Also hoping to FINALLY finish the Sandman series; will lend from the library.
Feel free to add suggestions!

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