2 posts tagged “anxiety”

View other items tagged “anxiety:” Photos, Audio, Videos, Books or Links. View “anxiety” on Vox.

selfish, alone and afraid.

Oct 15, 2007
Post a comment

This weekend, I feel overwhelmed by the amount of brokenness I see in people around me. I often feel helpless, so I pray. and love. I suppose that's all I can do sometimes.
And like always, kind of overwhelmed by my conceitedness. It's an everyday battle. A little better than my self-indulgent summer, but most days I could use a slap in the face.
I just... I want to be completely immersed in service- in social work. Get me out of school and into a homeless shelter... that's what I want.
I'm tired. I should be in bed. Mushy feelings make me irrational. And yes, I am going to remain this ambiguous.

I keep drinking the ink from my pen
And I'm balancing history books up on my head
But it all boils down to one quotable phrase
"If you love something, give it away"

A good woman will pick you apart
A box full of suggestions for your possible heart
But you may be offended, and you may be afraid
But don't walk away, don't walk away

I've grown tired of holding this pose
I feel more like a stranger each time I come home
So I'm making a deal with the devils of fame
Saying, "Let me walk away, please"

You'll be free, child, once you have died
From the shackles of language and measurable time
And then we can trade places, play musical graves
Until then walk away, walk away, walk away

So I'm up at dawn
Putting on my shoes
I just want to make a clean escape
I'm leaving, but I dont know where to
I know I'm leaving, but I dont know where to

I want to let go of all my plans and just live spontaneously. I'm just afraid that will end up with me staying in the same place my whole life. Does that make sense? I just want to trust God.
Is not getting married really my biggest fear? I don't think so. I think being stagnant, settling and not fighting for or being social change, is my biggest fear. Living in Toronto my whole life is one of my biggest fears, even though I love the city dearly with nearly all the room in my heart.