6 posts tagged “freedomize”
It’s autumn, and I’m a girl sitting in Trinity Bellwoods Park; Americano in my veins and hope and gratitude in my heart.
The summer is over, Cheryl is no longer my roomate & all us regulars are back at Aberdeen. I miss Cheryl; she taught me immeasurable amounts about selfless service and the washing of others' feet [John 13] [she literally washed mine.... good story- I'd love to tell you in person]. I am looking forward to good amounts of concerts this fall, good amounts of hanging out, and good amounts of immersing myself into learning again, into anti-oppressive social work practice and just daily living.
Freedomize's fall launch was this Sunday, and it was fantastique. There was a gospel choir brought in, Cyril rapped, David spoke powerful words, communion as always, induction of wonderful new members, cleansing through tears;... beautiful, beautiful church, I love you.
Being on the Executive Leadership team at IVCF at school is a lot of work all at once. It's so wonderful to be a part of something so significant and bigger than I could ever imagine. I guess we could say we're labouring lots right now - and looking for fruit through tired eyes... it's also very stretching to be immersed in the lives of others that I wouldn't particularly otherwise spend a lot of time with- it all feels very random. It's still early.
I have pink & brown in my hair now; in high school I used to dye my hair to mark something significant. So I decided to do the same when I passed my G2 test a month ago. Having failed it a ridiculous amount of times, it was something in my life that caused me overwhelming (and unneccesary, and self-consumed) sadness, inadequacy. tension and stress; praise God it's behind me- I'll need his grace again in the same area in a year's time, come my G test.... I'm hoping this collective experience will be used for something beyond my understanding..
Speaking of high school phases, I've readopted thick black eyeliner...
I work at Starbucks where I serve the rich; and at placement I serve the poor.
Starbucks is fine, I have a love-hate relationship with it and I’ve gotten to the point where I’m getting a little sick of their specialty drinks and pastries. I think it will get better once I start making better/stronger connections with my coworkers (oops, I mean fellow partners..haha.) and customers. Though, I’m totally unfaithful, as I fervently prefer the independent coffee shop/espresso bar with sweet music by my house.
My placement is at a permanent housing solution for 21 people who live with a mental illness. It’s very stretching and life-changing, I feel like everyday I understand the deep, deep scope of mental illness a little bit more, and how drastically it affects lives. Everyone in the house is different, which makes for different ways of interaction with each resident. Don’t tell anyone, but I have a favourite…. a sweet little Indian lady – today we went to the mall to buy batteries for her glucometer & she shared her french fries with me. Everyday I’m at placement includes the dodging of inappropriate questions directed my way; lots of laughs; awkward moments for me but not for those with flat affects; sitting on meetings with doctors, personal support workers, social workers, psychiatrists, housing workers; and a whole lot of grace, and well, compassion.
On top of everything, most importantly- God reveals who he is to me a little bit more everyday (if I choose to listen and open my eyes/heart) and he’s showing me over and over again to live life one day at a time. Dreaming for the future is so, so good, but- so is dreaming for the present.
I'm at this place lately where I don't want to eat food anymore, I just want to drink coffee. I'm hungy, but I don't wanna put anything in my mouth. Revolting. Archi told me to take up smoking to rid myself of my appetite and then I wouldn't have that problem anymore, ironic considering my superstition about taking up smoking (see entry labeled "pake, i'm trying everything to know you").
I finished my summer course and I'm actually kind of heartbroken about it. The course itself was interesting, and it means I have a lighter courseload this year, but it's the people I'll miss... the characters. Angry Lady, Chatty Cathy, and the lovely friends I made. Toronto gets better the more people I meet. Once I leave I imagine it will be hard to do so... but grad school in Chicago or NYC seems like a definite (Plans plans plans. "many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails";).
Saw my very best friend/eternal friend, Rhobi last night + checked out a book launch of one of our favourite artists.. www.shannongerard.org sheisfantastic. We then ate late at the Green Room & discussed smoking cigarettes, imposing morality and her new life goal to chug a beer faster than her champion-boyfriend. I love bestfriend'sboyfriend; BFB for short (just made that up now).
In other news, Starbucks has been booking me to work on Sunday nights lately: also heartbreaking. Church is Sunday nights. I'm in a place where I need to hear David reciting this calmly postcommunion .. God shows up in this tradition for me.
Numbers 6:24-26
"The LORD bless you
and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace."
....
I'm still working on understanding GRACE. Oh wait, I never will. It's one of those things.
sunday i travelled toronto sans bicyclette. i walked to beneath the medicine tree to meet anna for iced coffee. subsequently we freedomized, and the little charismatic girl in me danced in church and it was good. walking home from the red tomato [note to self: the red tomato has next-to-no vegetarian options and does not take debit. stop going there.]/peter pan bistro, i decided to make a stop at the toronto homeless memorial. it is a very humble and suiting memorial, by the church of the holy trinity; right beside the eaton centre. it was about ten-thirty at night when i went; there was an eerie but extremely peaceful silence. i reflected & mourned, then prayed out loud for a couple minutes. while leaving i noticed a few individuals sleeping around the corner [really nice choice of location to sleep... ]. i now wonder if they heard me pray.
walking through allan gardens at about eleven o'clock i saw a family of raccoons in a tree. i presume it was ma, pa & baby. i stared at them for a couple minutes, and they stared back. i grew afraid they might jump on me, so i continued walking.
there is a brown man by the parliament library who asks tall, blonde girls out for dinner, who has trouble taking no for an answer.
monday i signed a number of forms and officially became a starbucks partner.
such is life, ...
I have a remarkable family.
Praise God I can go through days like Mother's Day and Father's day without any pain.
I think I might be pretty insensitive to the state of some people's families. I fear that I "flaunt" mine.
I'm seeing people this weekend who I've kind of lost touch with. I am excited to see these people, they mean a lot to me. But I am also nervous, and scared. Maybe because it takes more effort, energy and time to maintain relationships when, geographically, you are not close (but even so, right now I have a friend who is travelling an hour and a half on the TTC to hang out with me). Especially when you had little in common to begin with.
Also, it's been really amazing to see answered prayer this weekend. Especially in regards to the church community I am involved in, as well as with IVCF.
I was telling this to my friends last night, and I brought it up like, three times. I think they got a little sick hearing about it, but it's really blowing my mind. I wish I could write this out more eloquently, but my creative skills are lacking this morning. Too much wine last night, maybe.
Yesterday, a guy on the street approached me and asked me if I had a stamp. He was pacing around with a letter that was waiting for a stamp. A stranger asked me for a stamp, so naturally.
I carry stamps with me, in my wallet. I gave him one. Why did he think to ask me for a stamp? Why not 50c to go buy one? Why do I carry them with me? Really, what are the odds. He was waiting for a stamp. I HAD A STAMP. He asked me for change for coffee, and I said sorry, no. But... I had a stamp for him. I... It's blowing my mind. Five seconds before I was praying about how I feel like I wasn't loving people anymore. That I was no longer in situations that instruct me to love like God loves. love in action. was it? was giving that guy a stamp - well, what was it?
Small things with great love?
Most people I know wouldn't go this deep into it.
While living my life, too often I forget the source of life.
