4 posts tagged “friends”

so, yesterday at tuesday night potluck, jenna & michelle & i bleached parts of our hair... but mostly, it was my hair. & first the colour alarmed me and i became needy and annoying about how i did not like it, ... but now i do. just my bangs & first layer-ish is bleached.

also.. i'm getting my haircut tomorrow at a hairdressing school.... it's cheap, but it takes a long ass time... so i've booked my day pretty free.

i keep on thinking it is the evening because i opened at starbucks today; i worked 5am-12:45pm. it's a total change from my usual work day at the group home of 11am-7pm, so my brain is a little confused.  today was bittersweet as i realized how much i really do like working at starbucks, but aren't really able to very often.... maybe that's why i like it so much currently. i really don't know what i'm going to do when i don't get a free pound of coffee a week & 30% off frappucino splurges.

tonight i am going to see my friend mike harloff play at sneaky dee's, he's half decent. :)

raccoon eyes,
essays a week late,
and all-day salsa.

(today the dish i ordered came with surprise pancakes as a side)
and so this is what happens when i do not attend church for a little while:
tears that won't "turn off", won't stop running despite all my willpower to end them
during worship time.
lucky for me i was at a new, homey church for the first time
that a couple of my friends attend regularly.

she saw my red face, ran across the room and sat with me, and
gave me images god gave her about him holding my heart,
and then letting it go,
only to plant it like a seed and have it grow.

and i felt like today, palm sunday, our friendship became more genuine, more honest.

 happy palm sunday,
(Lord, i'm crying hosanna in the highest)

Last week I watched a lot of The Office, like, all of seasons 1 and 2 in less than a week. And it almost made me wish for a similar life, living in the town I grew up in, at some crappy receptionist or sales job. Somehow TV can make anything glamorous, hmm? But this quote sums up much better how I feel about home, and staying in the place where I grew up; it's from Garden State:

"You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone. ... You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place."

This summer has really reinforced into me this idea. I miss my house that I lived in from age seven to seventeen; but not much else about Kitchener (there are things I enjoy, yeah, like uptown Waterloo, Encore Records [okay. I do miss Encore Records.]). I think it all really started before I moved out, with not having solid roots in Kitchener. I don't blame this all on my surroundings, though I'm sure it helped that I felt like I never had much in common with most of my close friends nearing the end of my living there, I guess I just stopped investing, too (Except,.. I really did love my Grade 12 Drama class...).

My parents are putting the house up for sale next month. They're moving to London for work (both of them). Bye bye Queen's Blvd. My brother & sister-in-law are in London for Brendan's school, and Aaron's still in China. Home is definetly not a place. It's insulting to even think that.

I assume a lot of people have the town where they grew up (if they move away from it) as the place they can always come back for a good time, for reunions of family+friends, rehashing of memories and whatever, eating your favourite burger,blabla. Kitchener isn't that for me, but I can only hope that Toronto will be, when I leave and go whereever else it is I might go (if you know me, you know the plans are grandiose, detailed and long). So... Toronto, you're my new hometown, are you okay with that?

I'm going on my third year of living in the place I love, yet I've lost so many ties with so many people since I've been here (and definetly before,), it's debilitating. 
There's so much more to living life than figuring out where "home" is...
Nevertheless,... I'm still between the click of a light and the start of a dream. Us kids know where we know.

I have a remarkable family.
Praise God I can go through days like Mother's Day and Father's day without any pain.

I think I might be pretty insensitive to the state of some people's families. I fear that I "flaunt" mine.

I'm seeing people this weekend who I've kind of lost touch with. I am excited to see these people, they mean a lot to me. But I am also nervous, and scared. Maybe because it takes more effort, energy and time to maintain relationships when, geographically, you are not close (but even so, right now I have a friend who is travelling an hour and a half on the TTC to hang out with me). Especially when you had little in common to begin with.

Also, it's been really amazing to see answered prayer this weekend. Especially in regards to the church community I am involved in, as well as with IVCF.