3 posts tagged “sad”
i'm here feeling like i got the short end of the stick- well, the short end of both sides of the stick (if that even makes sense).
short end #1.
i'm to walk away from what i hoped,
PLUS
short end #2.
my relationships with many mutual friends are compromised.
i'm way better with #1, but #2 is bumming me out beyond description. i know it won't last forever, but in the right now, it blows.
all my pants have rips in them, and i don't have any $ for a new pair.
god, please send down pants like manna.
i'm very anxious to get back onto my bike, to go round and round, maybe then i'll feel happy again.
i want to go home, the only home i know seems to be jesus' arms.
I wish I wouldn't cry so hard & so long every time I talk to my Dad on the phone.
There was something he was saying, about how I "live life with gusto" and that I'm always set out to carve my own path, & one of its consequences will be missing my family.
I'm not sure that's ever going to be easy to accept.
It's like, every time I listen to Wild Sage by the Mountain Goats I cry really hard, so I had to stop listening to that song. It's my favourite, but it was getting a little inconvenient, you know, walking to school &birthday parties, wiping tears, trying to look presentable.
Most days include some kind of battle to fight the blotches of red on my face & puffy eyes so I don't have to burden others with the obligation of asking me, "What's wrong?".
I've been waiting to go to Chicago for so long, but now that it is time, I have cold feet;
I blame finances and a broken heart. I'm so bummed, I don't have motivation for big things like this right now.
But who am I joking? it's who I am, right?
I hope this trip will take me outside of my current affect and outlook,
to step outside of myself and into another big city.
I feel I'm too broke to go (but hey, I'll always be).
When something goes that you felt was close to you,
it's easier to feel God, and know he was close all along.
i won't try to put this in eloquent wording,
all i have to say is,
i feel so empty and depressed.
going home was not a solution for me being upset;
i feel like i am upset with more things from being home.
