17 posts tagged “toronto”
how did i let a month go by without writing? shame on me.
my face is feeling hot, i got burnt in montreal because i forgot sunscreen.
i just got home two hours ago from three days in montreal.
while i was waiting for the streetcar home from the train station, there were a handful of people speaking quebecois on cellphones & to each other, and it was quite surreal just returning from quebec.
the via rail is more comfortable, far quicker and more enjoyable than the greyhound bus. but more expensive, and you have to book beforehand. so i will not likely return to their services anytime soon. but this ride was certainly a treat. also, having snacks for purchase on board is dangerous. aaron and i had trouble saying no.
i wore my pink low-top chuck taylors the whole three days. bad, bad, bad, bad idea. by the middle of the second day i had a blister on my left foot & a limping right foot. hence why i took the ttc home from the train station because walking is painful and humiliating.
my oldest brother & i went because he had an orientation to go to new political science students at concordia, but this trip helped him decide he will not be going there.
i complained about my feet a lot & he complained about how difficult it is to find the metro a lot. coming from china everything is very helpful, says he. i joked just all things need to be dummy-proof for him.
tuesday was also effing miserable because it was hot as hell and we were trucking ourselves around old montreal, the plateau, etc etc. we stayed in a hostel that wasn't bad but nowhere as near as good as my top notch hostel in chicago. it was on a beautiful street though, rue saint-hubert.
montreal is far more hilly than toronto.
both nights we found patios to drink on and told funny stories from childhood & adolescence, pertaining to subjects like poop. and when we weren't talking about bodily functions, we were arguing about something --- i've learned (and known for a while)-- i am not a great defender of my faith. in fact, i'm not a great defender of much at all. my opinions are formed loosely around how i feel, my intuitions, my gut, trust, and faith in something Bigger & Outside of me. i've found (and am frequently frustrated by) that this does not make me very eloquent and in fact makes me stutter and end most sentences in incomplete thoughts. meanwhile, my oldest brother can defend anything to the death that he might even have the slightest opinion on. so that & the beating sun tired me out quite well.
we ate great bagels & drank quebecois beer & tofu dogs & poutine & lattes & pastries & chinese food & fries & apples.
i really loved the staircases to the houses in the plateau. i found them so romantic & dreamy.
by the end of the three days i had realized we had played a game of "spot the american apparel" ..&&if there was an aa in sight, that certainly meant we were in a hip area. we found four,... so i guess we didn't get 'em all. heh.
anyway, i'm just exhuasted at this point & think i prefer travelling a) in the winter & b) when there is a local tour guide/friend or friend of friend in the city.
but montreal was great. i'm glad i went.
but vraiement, j'adore toronto.
& now i have a long list of chores to do tomorrow since i'm home, home, home!!!
okay so, some awesome shows coming up..
11 feb: vampire weekend; horseshoe
2 mar: evangelicals; el mocambo
4 mar: josh ritter; phoenix
6 mar: jason collett; lee's
17 mar: justice; sound academy *
20 mar: caribou; lee's
16 apr: hot chip; phoenix
* though i really would like to see justice live, i'm not sure i want
to see them at the docks/i wonder if the crowd would totally suck.
eeeew.
out of all of these, hot chip is a must!
someone come with meee!
last night,
i bobbed my head to beach boy covers
of songs i didn't know (but bands i did)
and drank my last beer for forty-six days.
briefly , accidentally &unexpectedly
met up with two like-minded souls
that make my heart warm so intensely my smile can't leave:
and finally, whilst riding my bicycle home
down college street, twelve-thirty am,
tongue out catching snowflakes
heard my name called out,
and i waved to a friend.
toronto, now i'm not sure how i'll leave you after all.
I guess sometimes you just need a mirror held up to you.
How is it that I could be so 'fuzzy' about a decision when such significant things were occurring that were obviously pointing me one way? Too often I let my doubts, fears and selfish wants get in the way of, well, life. I can so easily write off things that are quite possibly things God is calling me into. shh... wanna know a secret? you're one of the first to know,.... i'm going to zambia in july
It's really scary trying to follow Jesus, but I highly recommend it.
I'm back to listening to Regina Spektor. I know what that means, and I don't like it.
I'm too tired to make this post more reflective or elaborate, so goodnight.
Can't wait to start my day tomorrow with a beautiful americano & a gorgeous 5K bike ride! Seriously, I got on my bike today and started giggling. I'm infatuated.
"I do not exist," we faithfully insist
while watching sink the heavy ship of everything we knew
if ever you come near I'll hold up high a mirror
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as you
-messes of men, mewithoutYou
pipe dreams of co-ownership of a bunny paired with less tolerance for meaningless& ignorant speech.
shitty at-home hair dye jobs and a deep fascination with how much i can live my life controlled by fear.
bad chinese food with tired parents.
yesterday's paper & a burn from a spilled americano.
some new music tonight and back to the old routine tomorrow morning.
last night i dreamt of no-water tazo chais.
ahh Starbucks, stop stealing my dreams!
i'm at my parent's house right now.
i feel like a nomad when i'm here, i drop my crap off in whatever room i'm transplanted to, and just sleep.
always in a bed that ruins my back for the first half of the day.
i forget I have to quiet my voice for baby, and watch too much tv.
i'm tired of my cliche rantings about home.
they move on the 28th to London, and i fly to Alberta on the 26th.
i kind of feel like a jerk about missing helping them move.. they have a lot of work left to do.
i come back to Toronto on the 1st of january.
i'm not sure i'm ready for 2008.
but i don't have a choice.
... i have finished my exams; am 5/8th done my university degree (ah!).
i feel less sad than before but still have my moments. i'm intensely looking forward to the winter break to reevaluate my life, to figure where God's missing and to put Him back in there... to continue to battle with my issues of fear... to open up more freely to where the Lord might take me (what an awesome&scary feeling)......... it's feeling lately like i have nothing to lose...
there are a lot of things i just need to give up to God. today (well. not only today.) i
i can't stop listening to 'just like honey' by jesus & marychain. oh, that, and the wanderer by johnny cash feat. U2. except, i'm not sure why it's featuring U2 whenall they do is have bono sing a few "awooo"s at the end of the song. oh my gosh,i love thatsong just because of how predictable U2 is in it. i bet mom really likes that song.
life is good, it just needs to slow down... which it will, next semester- at least i am making room for it to. i am only taking four courses (technically three, plus placement) and am definetly cutting back on hours at work. i'm not going to work on sundays anymore, it will be my day of rest! what am i hoping for? more time with jesus (STRUCTURED yet SPONTANEOUS time with jesus!!), more time with friends i feel like i've stopped investing in/haven't started investing in!, more water, more relationships, MORE REFLECTION, more mix cds, more love, more FAMILY, more frugalness, more church, more of my CITY. more stigma breaking. more living in indie coffee shops. MORE PRAYER! more live music, more patience, more learning. more fasting. less alcohol, less caffeine, less anxiety, less apprehension, less spending money, less bad sleeping patterns, less negativity, less gossip, less judgements, less mess, less swearing.
i guess we'll see how it goes.
fantastic venue, beer in hand, surrounded by people, singing "my heart out" to Don't be so mean Jellybean.
good night. concert attended alone #4537041.
and oh, my, God, I love the weather. beautiful cold.
This weekend, I feel overwhelmed by the amount of brokenness I see in people around me. I often feel helpless, so I pray. and love. I suppose that's all I can do sometimes.
And like always, kind of overwhelmed by my conceitedness. It's an everyday battle. A little better than my self-indulgent summer, but most days I could use a slap in the face.
I just... I want to be completely immersed in service- in social work. Get me out of school and into a homeless shelter... that's what I want.
I'm tired. I should be in bed. Mushy feelings make me irrational. And yes, I am going to remain this ambiguous.
I keep drinking the ink from my pen
And I'm balancing history books up on my head
But it all boils down to one quotable phrase
"If you love something, give it away"
A good woman will pick you apart
A box full of suggestions for your possible heart
But you may be offended, and you may be afraid
But don't walk away, don't walk away
I've grown tired of holding this pose
I feel more like a stranger each time I come home
So I'm making a deal with the devils of fame
Saying, "Let me walk away, please"
You'll be free, child, once you have died
From the shackles of language and measurable time
And then we can trade places, play musical graves
Until then walk away, walk away, walk away
So I'm up at dawn
Putting on my shoes
I just want to make a clean escape
I'm leaving, but I dont know where to
I know I'm leaving, but I dont know where to
I want to let go of all my plans and just live spontaneously. I'm just afraid that will end up with me staying in the same place my whole life. Does that make sense? I just want to trust God.
Is not getting married really my biggest fear? I don't think so. I think being stagnant, settling and not fighting for or being social change, is my biggest fear. Living in Toronto my whole life is one of my biggest fears, even though I love the city dearly with nearly all the room in my heart.
It’s autumn, and I’m a girl sitting in Trinity Bellwoods Park; Americano in my veins and hope and gratitude in my heart.
The summer is over, Cheryl is no longer my roomate & all us regulars are back at Aberdeen. I miss Cheryl; she taught me immeasurable amounts about selfless service and the washing of others' feet [John 13] [she literally washed mine.... good story- I'd love to tell you in person]. I am looking forward to good amounts of concerts this fall, good amounts of hanging out, and good amounts of immersing myself into learning again, into anti-oppressive social work practice and just daily living.
Freedomize's fall launch was this Sunday, and it was fantastique. There was a gospel choir brought in, Cyril rapped, David spoke powerful words, communion as always, induction of wonderful new members, cleansing through tears;... beautiful, beautiful church, I love you.
Being on the Executive Leadership team at IVCF at school is a lot of work all at once. It's so wonderful to be a part of something so significant and bigger than I could ever imagine. I guess we could say we're labouring lots right now - and looking for fruit through tired eyes... it's also very stretching to be immersed in the lives of others that I wouldn't particularly otherwise spend a lot of time with- it all feels very random. It's still early.
I have pink & brown in my hair now; in high school I used to dye my hair to mark something significant. So I decided to do the same when I passed my G2 test a month ago. Having failed it a ridiculous amount of times, it was something in my life that caused me overwhelming (and unneccesary, and self-consumed) sadness, inadequacy. tension and stress; praise God it's behind me- I'll need his grace again in the same area in a year's time, come my G test.... I'm hoping this collective experience will be used for something beyond my understanding..
Speaking of high school phases, I've readopted thick black eyeliner...
I work at Starbucks where I serve the rich; and at placement I serve the poor.
Starbucks is fine, I have a love-hate relationship with it and I’ve gotten to the point where I’m getting a little sick of their specialty drinks and pastries. I think it will get better once I start making better/stronger connections with my coworkers (oops, I mean fellow partners..haha.) and customers. Though, I’m totally unfaithful, as I fervently prefer the independent coffee shop/espresso bar with sweet music by my house.
My placement is at a permanent housing solution for 21 people who live with a mental illness. It’s very stretching and life-changing, I feel like everyday I understand the deep, deep scope of mental illness a little bit more, and how drastically it affects lives. Everyone in the house is different, which makes for different ways of interaction with each resident. Don’t tell anyone, but I have a favourite…. a sweet little Indian lady – today we went to the mall to buy batteries for her glucometer & she shared her french fries with me. Everyday I’m at placement includes the dodging of inappropriate questions directed my way; lots of laughs; awkward moments for me but not for those with flat affects; sitting on meetings with doctors, personal support workers, social workers, psychiatrists, housing workers; and a whole lot of grace, and well, compassion.
On top of everything, most importantly- God reveals who he is to me a little bit more everyday (if I choose to listen and open my eyes/heart) and he’s showing me over and over again to live life one day at a time. Dreaming for the future is so, so good, but- so is dreaming for the present.
