I NEED TO FIND MY PASSPORT, BECAUSE I'M GOING TO NYC IN LESS THAN A MONTH & NEED IT!!
urgh urgh urgh...

Something's been on my mind a lot. Last Thursday, I attended a Congo teach-in info session on violence against women in the Congo.
It broke my heart.
The closest thing I've experienced to gender-related assault is having my Hallowe'en candy stolen from me when I was 12.
Comparatively, many, many women in the Congo have FISTULAS from being brutally raped USING WEAPONS as a tool of WAR. it leaves them unable to control their bladder & continuously leaking urine.
I thank God tonight, that I don't have a fistula.

The more I progress through life as a woman,
the more I realize,
I AM SO F*ING FORTUNATE.
TO HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED
RAPE.

here's a quick quote from a survivor in the DRC:

Towards midnight, I heard the crackle of gunfire all around the village…As I was trying to escape with my children, seven soldiers broke down the door to my house, threw me down to the ground
and raped me. I lost consciousness till the next day...When I walk I have to hold my abdomen with my skirt, because it hurts so much. I cannot walk very far now and as the soldiers took everything, I can hardly manage to look after my children.

“Who knows more about oppression? Those who teach it or those who live it?” -sakamoto & pitner                [what the bleep do i know?]

a reflection for my social work practice turned into my frist to-be-published magazine article for ryerson's fem mag........
that rules!
along the way, i learned how to write a magazine article (structure!), spoke to some wonderful women, and accidentally became way more of a women's rights activist than i was before.
so here's what was "patriarchal scripts, biking in the park & getting your hands off my sister"....
(still is in the (not mine) editing process).
no names because i don't want the world to find my blog.... even though it doesn't come up on google searches.

i promise sometime soon i will write about other things.... :)

Taking it Back: A Reclamation of Space      (subject to change to make it more catchy/luring)

        It’s already dark when I arrive... on my bicycle, I follow the sounds of music and voices to lead me to Grange Park. It’s a cool, September night.  I don’t recognize anyone I know, so I sit down and listen to some narratives. Then, as a pleasant surprise, I see my favourite professor. I screamed and hugged her. She’s here with her kids! Soon after, my fellow burgeoning feminist friend, A* shows up. We’re excited together, for our first Take Back the Night. Soon, we are marching, overwhelmed with emotion and chanting together, “Hey mister mister, get your hands off my sister!”

Take Back the Night’s theme this year’s was “Surviving Our HerStories”, which, according to D*, organizer of Toronto’s Take Back the Night, was inspired by the stories of women in the community. The goal this year was to put women from all communities in the forefront. D* emphasized that the experience of survivorship remains the same regardless of time, and so it is important to march for today. Narratives in the rally spoke of stories of survivorship of sexual violence and rape, the fear we face as women, and becoming empowered to be liberated from that fear.

One particular statistic tells us that half of all women in Canada have experienced violence- either physical or sexual*. But research is never perfect. Surely, statistics underestimate the scope of rape.

Take Back the Night has always fought against violence against women. The origins of Take Back the Night are disputed, but we know that in North America, it began in 1978 in San Francisco, as a revolt against sexual violence involving women who had been oppressed due to the pornography industry**. Issues of survivorship, rape, sexual violence, safety, equality and empowerment prevail in TBTN today.

Take Back the Night has been run in Toronto since 1980, always at a grassroots level, started by the Toronto Rape Crisis Centre. D* states it began out of a need for a “place to resist and fight the fear of violence... and actual violence”. Take Back the Night has always promoted women bringing their issues to the street in an effort to eliminate fear and liberate women to be safe in any public or private space. D* notes that participation is roughly the same each year, varying on factors like weather and location. Numbers are around at least 500 each year.

            A* felt that Take Back the Night was indeed, a place to resist violence. “I felt really empowered to see many women feeling the same way as I feel, that women are made to feel afraid, and it’s not just me and you, it’s a whole community of women wanting to take it back”, she says.

        My Take Back the Night was about reclaiming public space that has been colonized by dominant men in our patriarchal society. I marched for how much I hate the social script of feeling unsafe as a woman walking at night. The fear that sometimes presents itself when walking alone enrages me. I feel extremely fortunate not to have a personal experience of rape or sexual violence towards me in my life. I still take the fight against it on as my own, as I have many sisters in this fight who have experienced it. D* emphasizes that violence remains at the forefront of TBTN, whether or not a woman identifies as a survivor.

            Being involved with TBTN for nearly twenty years, V*,  has monitored change in TBTN. She reflects that inclusivity in regards to issues such as disability, trans issues and women of colour are newer to the cause of TBTN, and there is still more work to be done to bring a more inclusive, anti-oppressive analysis to why women experience violence and prejudice.

Though TBTN is empowering and redeeming, sexual harassment still happens. My daily travels almost always includes going through Allan Gardens. When I first moved into the neighborhood, my Dad asked me never to walk through the park at night. My experiences haven’t been harassment-free. I am often catcalled and objectified. Thankfully, I have never been a victim of physical assault in the park. I know I can attribute much of that to using my bicycle as a tool of protection, a tool not necessary for many males to ensure safety at night.

            A* speaks of need to check behind her constantly while walking at night, that she can’t trust she’ll be okay. “There’s an ever looming fear that I am not completely safe”, she says.

I couldn’t promise my Dad I wouldn’t go through the park at night. I am adamant in reclaiming that space for women, and so I vote with my feet. I have been walking and biking through that park at night for over three years. Perhaps I am threatening my safety. But I am also renouncing a patriarchal script and fighting for personal change. TBTN makes me feel safer.

V* cites multiple reasons as to why TBTN continues to be important today. It provides room for young women to learn more about activism, it gives survivors a voice; it educates the community on issues of violence, and damn it, it’s empowering to march for something by women for women

While marching that night, I became more conscious of my position as a woman in a society steeped in patriarchy. Take Back the Night made me realize that parts of our society are so far steeped, I am often not conscious of them and accept them as normal. Being solidarity with women against violence, TBTN solidified in me a dream. A hope that a day will exist where anyone, regardless of gender or any other factor of social location, is be able to walk anywhere, at any time, safely alone. We’re still marching. As long as women still experience violence, there will be Take Back the Night.

i did a whole lot of no homework this weekend.
argh.

but what i did do, was beautiful.
friday night i went to a reclaim the streets rally with ashley. it was specific for the east end, and it was addressing& resisting the violence women experience in the downtown east end.
it was so wonderful, hearing personal narratives&stories, and then singing liberation and resistance songs together!
... we don't want violence, that is what we want, what we want, what we want...

we proceeded to march through the east end, from dundas/parliament to dundas/sherbourne... up sherbourne to gerrard, across gerrard & down george street, back to dundas. if you know toronto you know those streets are certainly deemed "sketchy". if we're gonna debunk the word "sketchy", it means there's a lot of drug activity, sex work and violence, and on george street is canada's largest men's shelter, seaton house, which basically takes up the whole street from gerrard to dundas.

i felt so empowered to walk down george street with two hundred women & some men, unafraid. i usually boast i'm not very afraid walking at night, but george street is downright terrifying.

demands scrawled on the sidewalk on the way..

protesters protesting! outside the regent park chc.

we don't want violence, that is what we want, what we want, what we want....

ashley yelling, likely "hey mister mister, get yr hands off my sister!"

ashley & i. homeless women under attack? what do we do? STAND UP, FIGHT BACK!

more street demands!

patriarchal scripts, biking in the park and getting their hands off my sister: reflections of take back the night

So, i went to Take Back the Night on saturday. i didn't attend the whole rally, i rushed there after work. i caught was a couple personal narratives, and a quick lesson of women’s self defense. i learned how to make a fist and where to punch in case of assault. i've been making the fist everyday since then. i met up with my fellow burgeoning feminist friend whom i was excited to share the experience of our collective first Take Back the Night experience together. we ran into an old prof & shared a moment of joy! seeing women i knew throughout the night embattling the fight together was encouraging, and made me feel less alone. i felt solidarity with them, fighting for the same objectives.

the march itself was overwhelming emotionally. the chants are what I remember most. they were my favourite part. we began with,
“We have the right to take back the night, stop rape now!” and,
“They say stay home, we say fight back!”. later i was introduced to the catchy,
“Hey hey, ho ho, the patriarchy has got to go!”. though my personal favourite was def,
“hey mister mister, get your hands off my sister!”.  it affected me the most, even in its playful guise. it made me feel very positive about what we were doing. i feel very, very fortunate not to have a personal experience of rape or sexual violence towards me in my life. yet i still take the fight against it on as my own, as i have many sisters who have experienced it, whether i am personally aware of it or not.

when i first moved to my neighborhood, my Dad asked me never to walk through ‘the park’- being Allan Gardens- at night. i didn’t promise anything (that i can remember). i am adamant in reclaiming that space for women, and so i vote with my feet. I take back my park by walking through when others are telling me not to. I have been walking and biking through that park at night for over three years. Is this threatening my safety, renouncing a patriarchal script or fighting for personal change? My experiences in Allan Gardens have not been harassment-free. I am often catcalled and objectified, but I have never been a victim of physical aggression or assault in the park.

i have to acknowledge my bicycle as a privilege in traveling at night. i never feel the fear  i may feel walking when on my bicycle. in a strange way, my bicycle almost protects me, and in a way, empowers me to travel anywhere without fear of assault at night. my bike is a tool of safety for me. but, this still puts me at a disadvantage. for many men, this ‘tool’ is not necessary for safety at night. the fight continues.....

i believe public space should be safe space, regardless of your gender, the time of day or area of the city.  I hate the social script of feeling unsafe as a woman walking at night, the fear that sometimes presents itself when walking alone enrages me. I fiercely fight it when it presents itself; I wish it were not there.

i am a female living in a society steeped in patriarchy. Take Back the Night made me realize that parts of our society are so far steeped, i am often not conscious of them and accept them as the norm. Take Back the Night emphasizes the obvious example of the colonization of public space at night.  TBTN made me consider the other social scripts i automatically hold as a woman.  what TBTN really solidified in me was a great dream, a great hope of mine: that a day will come where anyone, regardless of gender or any other factor of social location, is able to walk anywhere, at any time, safely, alone.